以为自己已经放下了，接受了，不停地用忙碌来逃避现实，自欺欺人。每每想到您时，总是逼自己不去想，懦弱地藏在自己的繁忙世界里。以为不让自己有时间去想，把自己忙得精疲力竭，倒上床就睡，就能不想她，可是，还是却一次次地梦见您，一次次地从梦中哭醒，才发觉原来自己，从来无法接受您的离去……
虽然最近真的很忙，但只要一静下来，就会想起您。走过您的房间，还是会习惯性地望一望,想看一看您。还记得那时候，常常半夜不敢睡，在您房间外看戏，定时去替她探热，怕您化疗后有变化。再也没有机会载您去做化疗，买您喜欢吃的给您吃，搭着您的肩膀走巴刹，听您教我煮东西…好想念平日放学回来问你有什么吃的时候，想念您每次在我踢球回来您问我进了几粒球，唠叨我的球肮脏衣难洗的时候……一切一切，就好像昨天一样，仿佛您根本没有离开过。从我出世那天开始，我的每一天都有您的出现，十九年的日夜相对，如今要我在没有您的空间坚强下去，我真的做不到！
习惯了放学就赶回家去看您，怕您的病情有变，需要到医院去。在外面或上课时，总是担心着您，不停地看着电话，很怕电话没线有事找不到我。如今明明知道您已不在了，但还是会很想快点回家。好想念那段匆忙却能见到您的日子，至少还能每天见到您。我从不埋怨为您而忙碌，因为只要能为您做点事，就已心满意足。真的不明白老天爷为什么那么地无情，竟然对您如此地残忍，我怨天我怨地，不要再告诉我神的慈悲，我不会相信，事实就是我亲眼看见一个心地善良的好人大半世人都在受苦，人生的最后还是受尽折磨，天理何在?神，何存?
以前，我不停地告诉自己，要坚强，要强，要有能力保护和照顾家人，其中最想照顾的就是您。我知道一定要坚强，不可以倒下，要尽力去配合每一件事。当你需要去医院时，我告诉我自己，要小心驾车，不可以有任何意外，要自己的技术可以安全载您去医院；当您双脚没力时，我知道一定要够力气扶您走；当您走不动时，我一定要够力抱您到床上去。一直以来，这些都是我坚强的理由，您的离去，也让我失去了撑下去的勇气……
陪着您人生最后那段的痛苦，我真的很心疼，但也为您的解脱而安慰，至少您不必在痛。当我看见您没有气息的时候，我真的不能接受眼前的已去世的您。我不停地大声叫您,希望您能应我，但一切已经太迟了,除了哭，我真的不知道还能做什么。握着您的手，慢慢地感觉您开始冰冷，到葬礼负责人来到是，我才愿意放手。
好想念您,不知道您现在过得如何，真的得到永生了吗?还是真准备投胎?无论如何，您可以放心，我一定会完成我的大学，考到律师牌，不会好像以前那样任性闯祸，一定会让您以我为荣。我的毕业典礼，婚礼，虽然您不能参加，但我依然会感受到您的祝福和满足，我会告诉我的孩子，我有这样一个情如母亲的阿姨，因为，没有您也没有今天的我……
2 more days...
it's really crucial for me, and all my coursemates, on 11st June 2009, our resulting will be released that day, the exact time is unknown, make us even more nervous....
There are 3 possibilities for my result...
1)fail one or more
2)pass all with average lower than 50%
3)pass all with average at least 50%
obviously there will be different consequences for all the possibilities...
1)fail one or more, i would face serious problems to go UK on sept, i may have to take resit exam, if the uni doesnt not accept exams, then i have to retake the whole 1st year at UK and spend a least rm100k more....obviously this is the worst one..
2)wah...i PASSED ALL... thats the happy one aready..... can open champaign for celebration ady...i am qualified for my 2nd choice Uni, Aberystwyth Uni.....i can started to pack and ready my stuff d...
3) the BEST one but the hardest, the lowest possibility...i successfully acheive 50% average....it's almost impossible, really no confidence for what i wrote .....if i acheive this....i think 1st knock my head c whether i am dreaming or not...
Aihz...dunno how to pass my time now.....
all the best to me and my mates
There are 3 possibilities for my result...
1)fail one or more
2)pass all with average lower than 50%
3)pass all with average at least 50%
obviously there will be different consequences for all the possibilities...
1)fail one or more, i would face serious problems to go UK on sept, i may have to take resit exam, if the uni doesnt not accept exams, then i have to retake the whole 1st year at UK and spend a least rm100k more....obviously this is the worst one..
2)wah...i PASSED ALL... thats the happy one aready..... can open champaign for celebration ady...i am qualified for my 2nd choice Uni, Aberystwyth Uni.....i can started to pack and ready my stuff d...
3) the BEST one but the hardest, the lowest possibility...i successfully acheive 50% average....it's almost impossible, really no confidence for what i wrote .....if i acheive this....i think 1st knock my head c whether i am dreaming or not...
Aihz...dunno how to pass my time now.....
all the best to me and my mates
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